Fear of Letting GO? Or letting go of Fear?

At one point in time, I was following an on-line meditation program called, "A Year to Clear".  My goal was to simplify my life and let go of whatever it is which no longer served me. I'm still working on that. Garage sale is planned for a couple weeks from now.

Clearing doesn't have to do with just getting rid of "stuff".  It also involves letting go of people, thought patterns, habits, etc., which do no fulfill your purpose in life, and in actuality, slow you down or sometimes block you from reaching your true potential.

One meditation in particular, had me focus on thought patterns which don't align with my higher purpose.  I was invited to identify them and acknowledge them.  I was asked, "What are you willing to let go of today?"  I immediately scribbled the words, self-doubt, worry, fear, and control.  And then I was reminded of an accomplishment I achieved a few years ago which involved letting go of all that.

I was teaching my rock climbing class. Some of you may know that I enjoy rock climbing - a lot.  What you may not know is I also have a tremendous fear of heights.  I know- completely counter-intuitive, right?  But, the high I get from overcoming my fear is infectious. On this particular day, I achieved a doozy.

In the advanced class, we were covering how to lead climb.  Lead climbing involves bringing the rope with you as you climb the wall.  At various spots, you have to clip the rope to a device which would break your fall, I guess, should you lose your footing.  The key here is that the rope is not already hanging for you to climb.  Here is a quick video to help you understand what I'm trying to explain....  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4rVY3sLQqA

Now the difference between the video and what I was doing, was that I also had to clip the quick-draws to the bolts in the wall.  That is an added level of difficulty when you're lead climbing.  At least it is for me.  So let's add up the complexity: taking the rope with you, setting quick draws, clipping in the rope, all without a net.  I was extremely nervous.  But I also knew I wanted to do it.  And luckily for me, I have a trusted friend, Brandon, who I knew would not let me fall, and is in my corner.  He always pushes me to do more.

Let me take you through the climb. The route was marked with yellow tape, an indicator of the level of difficulty.  White is first, next yellow, orange, etc.  So, for the expert climber, it's a no-brainer.  For me? Not so much.  The route was awkward and involved changes in angle, hand and foot holds, just a bit more complicated, which I can do when top roping, but it required a much more sophisticated dance up the wall. I was about two holds away from the top and I was reaching muscular fatigue (more from holding on for dear life), and I was unsure of the next few moves.  Brandon kept me locked in while I rested and thought out the strategy.  I hung there for a moment, didn't look down, but rather examined the holds to assess the most logical sequence of steps. And I thought, OK, I'm almost there.  I need to finish.  Despite my whole body twitching from nervousness, I reached and pushed and took the leap of faith my trusting in myself, my ability, and the skill of my belayer when finally- SUCCESS!!!  I was able to lock in the rope at the top.  Vindication!! This wall did not beat me!! HAHA

I was terrified.  But I did it.  It was more significant than just physically pushing my limits however.  As I reflected on the climb, several things came to me.  Mini-lessons, if you will.  I had to let go of fear.  And, I had to let go of control.  I had to let go of self-doubt, and I had to let go of worry.  All the things I had written about were essential for me to release in order to clear what was holding me back.

Without even knowing it, I physically foreshadowed emotional lessons I am expecting to manifest in my life. At the crux of the climb (crux=most difficult part), I hung and examined my options.  I didn't look down, so I let go of my fear.  I focused on the task at hand and weighed my options.  I believed in myself to complete the climb, if only because my belayer had faith in me.  And in the final moment when I reached for the last hand hold, I let go of trying to control my environment and took a leap of faith.

You see, this is why any type of physical activity is SO essential in life. Any type of activity: rock climbing, kayaking, hiking, martial arts, requires you to step out of your comfort zone and push you into an area to truly test your abilities.  During my climb, I didn't focus on what if I fall?  Look how far up I am, is anyone watching me?  I just set myself to the task at hand and I accomplished it.  By letting go of those emotions which truly serve no purpose, I accomplished something incredibly significant to me.  Key words,  TO ME.  That is what I encourage YOU to do.  Find something significant that you wish to accomplish.  Surround yourself with those people who will believe in you and support you, like Brandon did for me.  And just DO. IT. Push yourself!! Let go.  Allow your body to teach you, to expose you to the knowledge locked within that is just aching to get out.  Trust yourself.  Let go of fear...The results are mind-blowing....